12 Reasons Why Boomers Make Awful Grandparents

Can we take a moment to talk about the elephant in the room? The fact that boomer grandparents just aren’t the grandparents they think they are. Boomer grandparents think they’re the “grandparent of the year” when in reality, they just aren’t. Of course this doesn’t apply to all boomer grandparents. Some are truly angels on earth. But there seems to be a growing disconnect between the boomer generation and grandparenting and today, we want to talk about it, even if we ruffle some feathers. Whether it’s disregarding parenting boundaries or treating emotional health like a joke, there are several things boomer grandparents are doing that make them slightly terrible. More and more, Gen Z and millennial parents are finding themselves having to explain, defend and possibly even undo the behaviour of boomer grandparents and some of us are just tired of it. So if you’ve ever had to say “No, we don’t spank our kids” or “No, they’re not just being dramatic,” then this article is for you.

1. They Undermine Parenting Rules

Boomer grandparents famously undermine simple parenting rules. Rules like ‘no candy after dinner or no screen time, which parents have the right to set, boomer grandparents decide they don’t need to adhere to. This not only confuses the child, but it also chips away at the parent’s trust in the grandparents.

2. They Ignore Emotional Needs

Boomer grandparents often ignore the emotional needs of the children. They tend to be quite dismissive. Raised in an era of “tough love” and vulnerability being a sign of weakness, they don’t value emotional awareness or expression as much as younger generations. They’re more prone to tell a crying child to “get over it” or label them as being “too sensitive”, which can be extremely damaging in the long term.

3. They Weaponise Guilt

If you’ve ever heard “Back in my day, we appreciated our parents more” or anything like that, you’re not alone. Boomer grandparents often weaponize guilt. This toxic behaviour places pressure on the parents and the child. It creates an environment where love feels conditional and something to be earned rather than something unconditional and no matter what.

4. They Prioritise Obedience Over Real Connection

Boomer grandparents were raised to believe that “good” children are quiet, compliant and respectful 100% of the time. This type of thinking can be extremely damaging. It ignores the child’s need for emotional safety, compassion and understanding. It reinforces fear and control over real connection and a trusting relationship.

5. They Disrespect Consent

Boomer grandparents often make their grandchildren give them a hug or kiss regardless of how the child feels about it. In a world where consent is so integral, this can be very upsetting to parents and quickly draw a stark divide in relationships. It can be confusing and even damaging to young children who are unaware of consent and its significance.

6. They Don’t Respect Mental Health

Mental health is a somewhat new idea and many boomer grandparents are just not on board with it. Because they grew up in a time where mental health was insignificant, it’s like they continue to believe that. But, as parents, we know it’s of massive importance, especially in children. Boomer grandparents who don’t update their beliefs on mental health are only damaging their relationship with both their grandchild and their own child.

7. Boomer Grandparents Play Favourites

Boomer grandparents who outwardly play favourites are hurting their grandchildren, possibly without even realising it. Children deserve to feel loved, safe and respected by all the adults in their lives and watching a grandparent have a clear favourite can be particularly damaging.

8. Boomer Grandparents Think Every Parenting Choice Is A Personal Attack

Boomer grandparents tend to think that every parenting decision is a direct criticism of how they raised their children. This can be very frustrating for the parents simply trying to pave their own way with their children.

9. They Weaponise “Back In My Day”

It’s common for boomer grandparents to weaponise the “back in my day” sentence and it can be very dismissive for parents and children. For example, “We didn’t use car seats back in my day and you all turned out fine.” It makes it seem bad that a parent would want to use a car seat even though research indicates that it’s necessary.

10. They Expect Respect Without Giving It

Boomer grandparents come from an age where they believe they are entitled to respect without doing anything to earn it. It’s an outdated thought process that isn’t generally acceptable in modern day. Parents typically aim to give their children respect and therefore the children respect them back. But not just because they’re older and expect it.

11. They Avoid Taking Accountability

A frustrating part of boomer grandparents is that they often avoid taking any accountability. When they overstep, cross a boundary, or ignore parenting rules, they often say something like “I was just trying to help”, shifting the blame onto the parent rather than taking any accountability. Grandparents need to respect parents wishes and be willing to say, “I messed up and I’ll do better.”

12. Boomer Grandparents Struggle With Boundaries

Boomer grandparents don’t understand boundaries and for some, they aren’t willing to even try. They think what they say goes and that crossing what a parent says is meaningless. When in fact, boundaries are put there to protect children and absolutely need to be respected. If you’re a grandparent and you’re not accepting of your children’s or grandchildren’s boundaries, you need to rethink this. It’s essential to have boundaries for good mental health.

The Takeaway

It’s not all boomers that make awful grandparents but some really do. They’re too stuck in their own ways to see that their children are trying to make their own mark on the world. They don’t value mental health and they expect respect without doing a single thing to earn it. It’s just not the world we live in anymore. If you’re a boomer grandparent, think about these twelve things and spend time reflecting. You only get to do life once, so consider making any necessary changes to keep your children and grandchildren in your life.